


That Old Feeling

by ChameleonCircuit



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barisi - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Hook-Up, M/M, Mutual Pining, Reunion Fic, smut hinted but no actual smut, until 22x04 airs anyway lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28609464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChameleonCircuit/pseuds/ChameleonCircuit
Summary: “Rafael,” he breathes out, trying not to cringe at the way his voice wavers just a little. “Never thought I’d see you in a place like this.”The sentence is more weighted than he intends, but Rafael offers him a familiar smirk all the same, downing the remnants of his glass before turning to face Sonny in full.“Dominick.”It’s said with so much familiarity that a long-forgotten ache blossoms behind Sonny’s ribs.
Relationships: Barisi, Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 98





	That Old Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> I stewed over this fic for months, going in circles, unable to complete it until today so I hope it's okay! I've missed this ship.

The tension in Sonny’s shoulders hasn’t left for days, for weeks, possibly even for months. He can’t really remember the last time he felt himself properly relax. It’s not something he’s overly aware of until moments like these; these rare pockets of time where everything slows down around him, voices fading to the background, and he’s no longer Assistant District Attorney Carisi, just a stranger with a worn-out smile and an over-priced suit.

He rolls his shoulders, letting out a long-held-back sigh, and forces his aching muscles to relax as he wanders over to the bar.

He glances behind him to the exit, a habit from his days as a cop, and catches the eye of a pretty woman, face lit up by the rain-distorted light of a stoplight outside. She smiles at him, shy, but not earnestly so, and he manages to smile back, genuine in a way that almost feels foreign after the week he’s had.

He turns back to the bartender, ready to be bold, to try his luck with a stranger in a bar, to let a pretty smile chase away the cases he couldn’t win and the wins that felt like losses. But then his eye catches a familiar face across the other side of the bar and his breath stutters, words sticking in his throat.

“Sorry,” he mutters before pushing back from the bar.

He makes his way through the growing crowd of people before he can think better of it, his heart beating against his ribs, skin suddenly hot with anticipation.

“Rafael,” he breathes out, trying not to cringe at the way his voice wavers just a little. “Never thought I’d see you in a place like this.”

The sentence is more weighted than he intends, but Rafael offers him a familiar smirk all the same, downing the remnants of his glass before turning to face Sonny in full.

“Dominick.” 

It’s said with so much familiarity that a long-forgotten ache blossoms behind Sonny’s ribs. He pushes down the feeling, mirroring Rafael’s rare, genuine smile with his own.

“Mind if I buy you a drink?”

“Be my guest.” He gestures to the barstool beside him as he moves his coat to the back of his own.

Their knees knock as he sits and his heart stutters at the contact, heat rising in his cheeks. So much time had passed, and yet Rafael still has that same hold over him. He loves and hates it both at once, that ache growing, tangling with something warmer, something more comforting, something that reminds him of coming home.

“So, how are you?” Sonny prompts as he motions to the bartender.

Rafael snorts, lowering his gaze for a moment before resting his eyes back on Sonny. “Really? You’re leading with that.”

“What else should I lead with when I haven’t seen or heard from you in years?” He bites out, regretting his tone of voice instantly. 

But Rafael doesn’t flinch. Instead, his expression softens again, only deepening Sonny’s guilt.

“I’m fine,” he says far too softly. “And you?”

He opens his mouth to respond but the bartender cuts him off. He orders--two scotch, one on the rocks--and turns back to Rafael.

“Are you. Really?” he asks instead of answering.

Rafael contemplates him for a moment before offering another genuine smile. They seem to come far easier than they used to, but then, so much time has passed, he wonders if perhaps he’s just remembering wrong.

“I’m good, Sonny,” he finally says, briefly touching Sonny’s arm before withdrawing as though he thought better of it. “Really good. I hope the same can be said for you?”

He hesitates for long enough for Rafael’s smile to drop before shrugging, grateful for the drink that had just been slid across the bar to him. He nods his thanks to the bartender before taking a sip, relishing in the burn, letting his eyes fall closed for just a moment.

He knows he’s been quiet too long to lie now, so he lets Rafael stew in the silence, partly because he wants him to feel guilty for leaving, but also because he can’t seem to think of an answer. He’s definitely not good despite all the good things that have happened, but he wouldn’t say he’s doing bad, either. He’s somewhere in between. Somewhere floating between content and discontent, like he doesn’t quite know if he’s made the right choice but he also knows going backwards isn’t an option.

When he finally looks at Rafael, his gaze is piercing, almost as though he’s trying to read Sonny’s mind. Once upon a time, he would have relished Rafael’s scrutiny, but now it just makes him feel tired.

“I’m fine,” he settles on, offering a smile as reassurance.

Rafael stares at him for a moment longer before seeming to accept the answer, taking a sip from his own drink.

“And how’s the DA’s office treating you?”

“Oh, you heard about that?” Sonny asks through a startled laugh. “It’s fine.”

“Ah, fine,” Rafael says with a snort. “In other words, absolute hell?”

Sonny laughs in earnest at that, shaking his head. “Sometimes, yeah.”

“Do you regret it?”

Sonny pauses for a moment. He doesn’t, not really. If anything, he regrets not making the move sooner. But there’s also something about it that feels wrong and he’s never been able to put his finger on it. Sitting here with Rafael, he thinks he might have worked out why.

“No,” he settles on.

Rafael raises an eyebrow disbelievingly.

“I regret not being able to work with you.”

He looks ahead before staring into his drink, not quite able to meet Rafael’s eyes after such an admission. He’s not sure why it matters, really. Rafael’s not the center of his life anymore, and, if he’s being honest with himself, he probably never should have been to begin with. They were barely even friends, but sometimes it felt as though they had been teetering on the edge of more, somewhere in the murky middle-ground between lust and love, flirty and teasing yet oddly tender when Sonny least expected it.

They could have been great together. That’s the part Sonny’s never quite been able to get past. If it had been a love lost, at least he would have had that love, but they’d only ever teetered on the edge of a maybe, with fleeting glances and even more fleeting touches, with biting words and teasing comments, and then right when Sonny had dared to hope for more, right when it seemed they were about to take a leap forward, Rafael had left.

He’s still not sure if he’d imagined the whole thing.

“We’d have made a terrible team,” Rafael eventually says, breaking Sonny out of his thoughts and back to the present.

He huffs out a laugh before taking a sip of his drink to ease the sudden dryness in his throat. “You think?”

When he finally turns to look at Rafael again, he’s hiding his smirk in his drink.

“Why?”

In lieu of a response, Rafael places his empty glass down on the counter and stands. Sonny watches as he shrugs his coat on, reaching out to place some notes on the counter.

“On me, remember,” Sonny says quickly, shoving some money on the counter before Rafael can. “You’re leaving?”

“You can walk with me if you want.”

There’s something in Rafael’s tone that almost sounds like an invitation, and Sonny nods, grabbing his coat and following Rafael outside. He’s relieved to find the rain has stopped, leaving a cool dampness in the air in its wake.

“Lead the way,” Rafael says slyly, almost seductively, as he gestures for Sonny to start walking, and although Rafael was the one who was leaving, Sonny leads the way anyway, beginning the familiar walk back to his own apartment, a nervous warmth settling low in the pit of his stomach.

Their shoulders bump as they walk in silence, and though Sonny can feel Rafael looking at him every so often, he can’t quite bring himself to look back, nerves twisting his stomach in knots, wondering if he’s making the wrong decision, misreading Rafael entirely.

He lets Rafael into his apartment building wordlessly, taking the stairs slowly and deliberately. There’s a kind of electricity thrumming between them that makes him feel like no time has passed at all, and it’s somehow both exhilarating and embarrassing at the same time.

He fumbles with his keys, hands shaking slightly, but if Rafael notices, he doesn’t comment. He just waits patiently, eyes never once leaving Sonny.

“I, uh, probably still have some of that scotch you gifted me when I passed the bar.” He hates the sound of his own voice piercing the silence that had settled between them, and he makes a conscious effort to lower his voice. “Or I’ve got bourbon or beer.”

“Whatever you’re having,” Rafael says nonchalantly, keeping just a step behind Sonny as he walks through to the kitchen, shrugging his coat off.

Sonny turns and forces himself to look Rafael in the eye, trying to read him. He’d been considering a beer, but he knows Rafael avoids beer if he can. But it’s not about the drink, not really. There’s a fire lit behind the softness in Rafael’s eyes, the same fire that had ignited in his stomach as they left the bar, and for a moment, Sonny gets lost in his eyes, in all the possibilities he’s not sure he should explore.

Rafael closes the distance between them and Sonny swallows hard, resisting the urge to take a step back.

“I can leave if you’d prefer,” Rafael says quietly. “But you don’t have to look so terrified.”

Sonny smooths his tie down and forces himself to relax. “I just...what exactly is happening here?”

“Whatever you want to happen,” he says with a shrug, looking away with a shyness that looks fake but helps Sonny feel more at ease nonetheless.

“Well, I--” he breaks off, hesitating for just a moment before closing the distance between them completely, taking Rafael’s face gently in his hands. “There’s no one else?”

Rafael barks out a surprised laugh and reaches out to take Sonny’s tie between his fingers. “That’s what you’re worried about?”

“Hadn’t thought of it until just now,” he admits, lowering his gaze to watch Rafael’s fingers glide over the fabric of his tie.

“I see you took my advice.” 

The change of topic nearly gives Sonny whiplash, and he groans, letting his eyes fall shut. “Don’t mock me.”

“I’m not.” Rafael tilts Sonny’s head up a little, stroking along his jawline. “It suits you.”

“It’s your fucking tie.”

Rafael laughs again, settling his hand on Sonny’s shoulder. “As I said, it suits you.”

Sonny forces his eyes open, realising the ground won’t swallow him whole just because he wishes it would, and is surprised to see no teasing or malice in Rafael’s eyes, just a soft tenderness and something that looks like longing.

“You left it at my place the night we…” he trails off, unsure how to describe exactly what happened when nothing had actually happened, despite how badly he’d wanted it to. “And then you were gone and I didn’t know how to get it to you so I...kept it.”

Rafael nods, head tilted to the side a little, eyes so unbearably soft Sonny almost wishes he said nothing. Almost.

“Stupidly sentimental, but--”

“I’m glad,” Rafael cuts him off, cupping the back of Sonny’s neck, drawing him in even closer, so close he can feel Rafael’s breath on his face, can smell the scotch he’d drank at the bar, can smell his cologne, startlingly different to the one he used to wear, yet still somehow so him that Sonny feels he could drown in it.

“You’re not even gonna apologise?” He stutters out, not realising that’s what he’d been fishing for until the words were out of his mouth.

“Would it help?”

He contemplates Rafael for a moment, taking apart the sincerity of his voice, the depth in his eyes, the way he genuinely seems to want to make it right, and decides it doesn’t matter, decides that none of it matters, and crashes his lips against Rafael’s in a messy, desperate kiss.

Years of suppressed feelings bubble to the surface, taking over as they push and pull in equal measure, removing clothes, kissing, sucking, biting, marking. It’s painful in the best way possible, like if he actually thought about it for too long instead of just feeling it, his chest might explode. But it also feels like coming home, like the missing piece of the puzzle finally slotting into place, and he doesn’t hold back as he whimpers Rafael’s name against his ear, body melting in Rafael’s arms.

It takes a moment for Sonny to regain his bearings and come into himself again, by which time Rafael is already walking back into the bedroom with a damp cloth and a glass of water.

Sonny moves to sit up, but Rafael places a hand with the cloth in it on his chest and lowers him back down to the bed, placing the water on the nightstand on his way down.

“Relax,” Rafael practically purrs, and Sonny allows himself to settle back against the pillows as Rafael wipes him down with a level of care he never could have imagined even if he tried.

His limbs feel heavy with exhaustion, but his mind is buzzing as Rafael settles beside him instead of getting up again. He feels like he should say something, anything, but he can’t quite seem to form a sentence, so he just lets his eyes fall shut as he breathes slowly and deliberately, trying to calm his racing heart.

“You just gave me one of the best orgasms of my life and you’re still nervous?”

Sonny’s eyes shoot open and he turns his head so abruptly he kinks his neck, causing Rafael to smirk at him, laughter in his eyes.

“What?”

Sonny shakes his head, rubbing the side of his neck. “How are you so calm about this?”

“I wasn’t,” Rafael admits, staring at a spot somewhere above Sonny’s head, resolutely not making eye contact. “You get under my skin in a way no one else ever really has.”

The admission comes as a shock, and he longs to reach out, to soothe the nerves that Rafael’s suddenly so obviously feeling, but he waits patiently, turned half on his side, watching Rafael swallow and blink and think of what to say next.

“The fact that you still felt something for me after all these years…” Rafael trails off, finally lowering his gaze to meet Sonny’s. “You have no reason to feel nervous. You’re…” 

Instead of finishing his sentence, he just smiles at Sonny, so full of earnest, open affection that his breath catches in his throat.

“I couldn’t shake you even if I tried.” He shoots Rafael a grin, letting him know they no longer have to be serious if he doesn’t want to, and Rafael’s expression relaxes. “Now shut up and go to sleep, I’ve got court in the morning.”

Without waiting for a reaction, he rolls over, pulling the covers up over his shoulders, leaving Rafael to turn off the bedside lamp and settle beside him however he sees fit.

For a moment, Rafael lies rigid beside him, so unmoving it’s almost as though he’s not breathing, but after an agonising few moments, he settles against Sonny’s back, touching but not quite spooning, and he feels Rafael’s breath ghost across his shoulder.

“I am sorry, Dominick. Truly,” he says, lips brushing Sonny’s spine.

Sonny bites his tongue, resisting the urge to say it’s okay, to break whatever spell had settled over them. Instead, he reaches behind him to take Rafael’s hand, pulling his arm around him, linking their fingers.

For a moment, he just looks at the way their hands fit together, enjoying Rafael’s warmth behind him, the feel of his breath on his neck, the way he relaxes into the hold. More daring than he would have been previously, he presses a kiss to Rafael’s hand, a silent acceptance of his apology, before letting his eyes fall shut again.


End file.
